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Stacey is a badass. She got in touch requesting advice from both Lulubel and Mr Blunt.
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My best friend’s boyfriend is a dick. I think he will propose soon, and myself and our friends are worried that she will say yes out of fear of being single. Should we confront her?
I understand your concerns. It’s only natural to want your best friend to be happy.
I’m not sure what you mean exactly with her boyfriend being a dick.
If your friend is being abused, either physically or emotionally, you should reach out to her and offer your help
as soon as possible yesterday.
But, as you didn’t mention any kind of abuse, I will assume we’re not talking about a downright toxic relationship here.
So, if it’s just a matter of her boyfriend being a jerk, then my general rule in life applies:
MYOB = Mind your own business
Say nothing. Zero. Zip. Nil. NOTHING.
Saying something to your best friend in this case would be like when my dog Tiny (a big American Staffy, for the record) wants to roll in other dogs’ poo (Exhibit A). Why would you want to do that? There are only cons and no benefits whatsoever.
So, the bottom line here is: keep your mouth shut.
Because relationships are not always straightforward. And attraction works in strange ways. So, even if sometimes it’s hard to understand what a couple may find in one another, it shouldn’t be our concern. It may not make sense to us, but if it works for them, that’s all that matters, really.
After all, we have all seen Charles choosing Camilla over Diana… for chrissake!
So, you never know. Your friend might be happier than you think, and you might not see her boyfriend the way she sees him or the way he actually is.
I understand he rubs you the wrong way but I would try to cut the guy some slack. And who knows? He may even grow on you with time.
Fear of being single for ever
Having said that though, you mentioned that you’re worried your friend may be with him out of fear of being alone.
This is a big fat red flag, just there.
It sounds like the problem here is not him being a dick as much as your friend not being confident and happy with herself.
You may consider stepping in to avoid future regrets
If you really feel in your gut that she’s settled for him only because she didn’t want to be alone, you may want to talk to her. But, don’t jump straight into criticising her boyfriend. Otherwise, your friend might take it as a personal attack, feel judged for her choices and become defensive.
Instead, have a heart-to-heart conversation with her over a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, and start by exploring her feelings. Ask her what she sees in him.
If she says that he makes her the happiest, that she is in love and has never felt more loved, back off. Take a step back, trust her choice and try to warm up to him.
However, if she says things like “all the good ones are taken”, “the clock is ticking”, “who else’s going to take me?”, “I don’t want to be single for ever” or any variation of these, then you need to tell her how you feel about him and remind her of what a beautiful person she is. Boost her self-confidence and reassure her that she will find the right one when it’s the right time. And until then, remind her that being single comes with its own perks too.
Keep in mind that your advice may not be well received by your friend and she might not be swayed, but at least you’ve tried.
Don’t wait until the last minute
Should you decide to voice your concerns, be mindful of the timing. If he’s really going to pop the question in the near future, speak up as soon as possible. You don’t want to be remembered in the history books as the bitch who broke off an engagement.
Confront her! For her sake and yours. You don’t want to have to put up with a shitty douchebag for the rest of your life.
Let us know in the comments what you would you do in this scenario and help Stacey make her decision.
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