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Warning: this is a humorous post. Not suitable for the faints of heart.
Comfort is a wonderful thing. I like my comfy granny undies, my comfy well-worn groove that my butt has spent years carving into the couch and there’s nothing quite like the comfort of taking off the bra after a long day.
However, on occasion, it can be good to step outside the comfort zone. Often we find ourselves dating the same kinds of people, people who are already very similar to ourselves (I mean, you can’t really top perfection, ammright?).
If you are stuck in a dating rut, maybe it’s time to mix things up a bit and try dating someone who you would not normally consider your ‘type’.
We have already assessed the benefits of dating a foreigner.
One often maligned sub-set of the male species is the gym bro.
They’re big, they’re muscly, and have a reputation as being non-intellectual.
Sure there are a few negatives – they spend all of their money on supplements, they grunt a lot, and probably have a serious pre-workout addiction.
But when considered rationally, the pros of dating one can outweigh the cons.
Table of Contents
Learning a new vernacular
Gym bros are often portrayed as being little more than monosyllabic, but if you spend enough time around them, you will come to realise that they have in fact developed their own way of communicating with each other.
This dialect consists of things that are important to them – meal prepping, DOMS, leg day, reps, sets, pecs, beast mode, guns, bulk, cut.
Once you have spent some time around them and have grown accustomed to their language, it will be that much easier to entice one out their natural habitat with a few familiar words and a protein shake.
You’ll never go hungry
A true bro will forever be chasing those elusive ‘gainz’. When it’s peak ‘bulking’ season be prepared for him to begin gorging on donuts, peanut butter and large amounts of ice-cream, in addition to his typical diet of chicken and broccoli.
You are probably going to end up bulking as well, but that’s just the price you pay for delicious snacks.
And if you ever want to get him to take you out for dinner, you just have to re-phrase it as a ‘cheat-meal’, and it’s a done deal.
Ugly duckling syndrome
A lot of people start going to the gym because of low self-esteem, and they want to feel better about themselves.
A surprising number of gym bros started working out because they thought of themselves as the skinny loser in high school, and while their physique might have evolved (hello!), often their confidence hasn’t.
For the astute lady who is out to nab themselves a bro, this makes them ripe for the picking.
This situation of attractive males with negative self-image and often somewhat lacking conversational skills creates a perfect storm for the below average looking girl to get herself some arm candy.
Just keep the compliments to him few and far between so he doesn’t go developing confidence any time soon.
You can let yourself go
Obviously, all this eating is going to take a toll.
But the typical gym bro is often so into how they look, that they won’t even notice if you start to let your standards slide a little.
Let’s face it, there’s not going to be enough room in front of the mirror for both of you anyway.
And if he decides to get an attitude and comment that you might be taking it easy when it comes to taking care of yourself, simply tell him his shoulders look like they’ve gotten smaller and watch that fragile ego crumble.
He won’t try that again.
Time to yourself
Relationships are all about compromise. Which sucks.
Why would you want to compromise on stuff, when… you could just do whatever the hell you wanted instead? It kind of seems like a no-brainer.
That’s where dating a bro can be an advantage.
When you add up all the time he is going to be in the gym every day (at least two (2) hours), plus time spent food prepping, eating all that prepped food and if you’re lucky he might also like to hit the sauna after a workout (which is another blissful hour of freedom you get while he is sweltering away with a whole lot of hairy elderly gentleman who aren’t afraid to let it all hang out) that all adds up to a whoooollleee lot of time to do whatever you dang want.
There’s no need to negotiate what to watch on TV and he’s not going to kick up a fuss when you invite all your girlfriends around for a glass or seven of cask wine while you watch The Batchelor.
One of the great questions of a modern life is ‘if you go to the gym and didn’t take a selfie, then did you even really go to the gym?’
Bros know how to take a selfie or two, in actual fact it takes a minimum of 23 selfies to document each trip to the gym.
Like any millennial, I appreciate (read: fucking love) a good selfie, so a man who is adept at taking them is good to have around.
Not only that, since he understands their importance he won’t complain about having to take a thousand near-identical shots of you so you can find that one perfect pic to put on your socials.
Not Having to Pretend
Right up there with letting yourself go, is not having to pretend that you are a balanced, well-rounded person who is interested in politics and watches inspirational Ted Talks in their spare time.
Bluffing that you pay attention to current events is exhausting, but when you are dating a bro, most of your conversations are going to be spent discussing how many macros they have left, and whether or not Arnold was peak aesthetic.
You no longer have to lie about spending the weekend reading an intellectual masterpiece or that you went to the latest gallery opening, when in fact you were just binge-watching Netflix and have been wearing the same leggings covered in cat hair for three days straight.
So now I have laid out to you some of the advantages of dating a gym bro, it is up to you to venture out and find one.
Start with supplement stores, anywhere that sells fake tan and music festivals (or essentially any public place where it is acceptable to go topless).
Of course, if you are particularly keen, you might head into the belly of the beast and journey to weights area of the gym. Once there (hopefully camouflaged in a colour coordinated outfit involving a top with a fitspo quote on it), it’s merely a matter of prancing around pretending to stretch until you find suitable prey… enjoy the hunt.